Life isn’t always easy is it Aidan ? I imagine that you feel a little hard done by , that the events of the last 12 months have rather conspired against you. What about that stag weekend in France ? Your friends dressed as Nazis , toasting the ideologies of the Third Reich ? You have my sympathy.After all who hasn’t been on a stag weekend that was of borderline taste ? It is all a bit of laddish fun . BANTER. LOLZ. It’s not like the French might be sensitive about it. I know what it is like. In 2001 I went to Prague for my mate Ravi’s (it’s an Indian name) stag weekend and our tour t shirt said “RAVIS STAG WEEKEND”. That missing apostrophe still haunts me. I still wonder if I could have done more. But sometimes you just have to go with the flow. So good on you for having the courage to disown the behaviour of your friends. It wasn’t your fault , you claimed , it was their choice.
It must have been embarrassing then when it was revealed that you had actually hired the Nazi outfits. Again you have my sympathy. It is easy to forget your purchases. Only last week I bought a selection of fruit from Sainsbury’s. This morning I found the packets. Not one fruit had been eaten.So I empathise. It was a shame that David Cameron overreacted to the howls of protest by the leftie pinko Guardianista PC brigade and sacked you as a PPS.
After your assassination though , you should have just got your head down and tried to be a quiet hardworking constiuency MP. You should have stayed out of trouble , and become the kind of MP that earns respect , rather than one who seems determined to make “publicity stunt” a new phrase in the rhyming slang dictionary.
But that would have meant stalling the relentless upward trajectory of your career. Your rapid advancement through the ranks has been as impressive as it had been predictable. Independent boys’ school (the same one as Enoch Powell – I’m imagining my own scenarios here), theology at Oxford , management consultant at Accenture – it isn’t exactly rags to riches. I’d be a hypocrite to criticise you for being privileged. But you should be grateful enough about that to think about your responsibilities every so often. And your “Nazi” incident should have been a wake up call to stop behaving like a pompous prick.
I can understand why the opening ceremony offended you. For someone with such a narrow view of what Britishness actually means , it must have been torture. While the vast majority of the country were enjoying a visual and aural extravaganza, you were clearly suffering by being bombarded by parts of the ceremony that were nothing more than leftwing mischief. Like children.Black people.Fireworks. James Bond. The Queen. Tim Berners Lee.Gosh if I was subjected to that horrific parade of communist propaganda , I’d want to dress up as a Nazi too.
In all seriousness you have probably missed an important point. This was a celebration of British culture and heritage. Much of that heritage has been military in nature. What with other Olympic nations being victims of that miltary culture , it probably wouldnt have been that “Olympics friendly”. I don’t think India would have attended the ceremony if Danny Boyle had chosen to recreate the battle of Plassey.
So what he chose to do was try and produce a ceremony that was both parochial and international , traditional and contemporary , and set to a soundtrack that felt defiantly British. In most people’s eyes he succeeded spectacularly. Because the majority of people in Britain don’t actually share your myopic , pig ignorant viewpoint. The majority of people have gay friends , have eaten in a curry house , have bought CDs (like gramophone but more user friendly) by black recording artists , have attended mixed race weddings. The vast majority of people in this country remain grateful that we have access to a National Health Service and that women can vote. This isn’t leftist propaganda. It is just life. You cannot accurately reflect London and Britain in an Olympics ceremony by making it monocultural. If you want monocultural opening ceremonies try Moscow 1980 or Beijing 2008.
And then there is the music.I understand that you have gone on record yesterday attacking the decision to allow Dizzee Rascal to sing at the Opening Ceremony. You are 33 not 83 . You should know that he is one of Britain’s most successful recording artists of the last few years with four massive selling number 1 hit singles , a Mercury Prize , and huge popularity. In fact the music for the cermony was so varied and broad , you would be an idiot to attach any importance to the fact that you didn’t like all of it. That is the beauty of Britain’s music industry – it’s a broad church with something for everyone. Boyle did brilliantly to recognise that. Trust me when I say that your vision of an opening ceremony – the ghost of Enoch Powell translating Latin whilst being filmed by Leni Riefenstahl – just wouldn’t have worked.
You are entitled to your opinion , and I wouldn’t want to see you disciplined for expressing your opinion. But the fact that you have misjudged the mood of a nation should make you consider whether you might be wrong about what you think this nation is. And I am looking forward to 2015 when the good citizens of Cannock Chase deliver their verdict on their smug , unapologetic buffoon of an MP.